So I had started this blog over the summer but obviously didn’t get around to writing my first post until today. In the meantime I spent a few months traveling across the United States, checking in on friends and relatives I had neglected to visit over the years and re-discovering the diversity of landscape, cities, and people of this country. I wouldn’t have predicted at the beginning of this year that I be traveling to places like Minnesota and Wisconsin, but I found those visits to be about as enjoyable as any I’d had in Italy or Malaysia.
Then about a week and a half after I came home, I suffered a little bike accident that sent me to the ER and left me unable to eat properly for at least a week. I’m slowly recovering, but it’s going to be a lengthy (and expensive) process.
Which brings me to this past weekend. I attended the wedding of a second cousin, the latest in a series of family weddings over the past few years. I’ve watched as my cousins have gone to college, graduated, launched careers, buy houses, and get married. Society would expect me to have done the same, or at least be on my way to doing so. But it’s now been over 5 years since I finished school, and a steady career is nowhere in sight, and neither are marriage or homebuying prospects. I’ve put them on hold to pursue international travel, which should have come years after the getting married and buying a house part (presumably I would have had kids somewhere in there as well, just as a couple of my cousins have already done).
My parents had a hard time accepting this for a while, but have since made peace with and now support it, and have helped me out when they need to, even if I probably don’t deserve it. They’ve allowed me to live at home rent-free, drive their cars, eat their food, and are helping me out with the hefty medical bills that will be coming my way. I’ve always taken all of this for granted. I’m definitely more grateful for it now.
So back to the rest of my family. I’ve had some relatives express their disapproval over me for the last five years about my lifestyle, about how I should be working a prestigious job by now and not think about having fun anymore. “Look at ____,” they’ll say, “she’s your age and teaching school and bought a house already. You need to take a cue from her.”
I have wondered about that. I had actually considered giving up my travel habit and staying at my last job because it seemed that I had happened upon an opportunity that I didn’t think of as a throwaway gig. Maybe finally I’d settle into that 9-to-5, 52 weeks a year routine that everyone else seems to have.
Ultimately, I gave it up so I could go to South America. I’d dreamed about doing that trip for years and had spent a good chunk of my downtime at work staring at photos of Buenos Aires and Valparaiso. But what if I had stayed at that job? Would I be any happier or more secure? I realized that my position wouldn’t have been made permanent for at least another year and a half, meaning I’d be working for a measley pay rate that probably still wouldn’t allow me to get my own place or move in with a friend. And I’d still be incredibly envious of those with the freedom to travel months at a time, while I was stuck behind a desk for most of the year, having to settle for traveling vicariously through them. I could only wonder what Chilean ceviche tasted like, admire Colorado’s landscape from photos, and wait for my always faraway cousins to visit me.
So was it worth giving up that job to eat fish, ice cream, and cupcakes, hike some mountains, admire some lakes, and explore some of the greatest cities in the world? Well it definitely beats transferring phone calls, ordering supplies and cleaning the breakroom. And I can check a few more places off my list. Was it worth flying over the handlebar of my bike and smashing my face into the ground for? Probably not so much, but that could have happened even if I was still working.
That’s my take on it. Of course, not everyone can travel like I do. As Christine Garvin once wrote on Brave New Traveler, we need people like my cousins in the world who work and raise their children. I’m glad that Brandon, Chris, Allie, and Katie (my little nephews and nieces) exist and that their parents and aunts and uncles are contributing their skills to society. Everyone moves at their own pace in life, and hopefully we’ll all end up where we need to be.
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November 12, 2009 at 3:35 am
Michael E.
You know it’s odd that it’s been more or less the same with me. However, in my case I freelance (well I call it “art ronin” or “art yóuxiá”, but that’s just me) since it would appear that few service/retail companies like to hire males who have no real direct experience in these areas in this economy—well that and I refuse to get a food service job due to a threat my mother made a long time ago about me having to “sling hash” to make a living if I A) didn’t get good grades B) didn’t get into and graduate from college since doing that would kind of symbolize that all my academic efforts were ultimately futile. ^_^
I get hassled due to my younger sister living in NYC, being of note in the fashion world and thus almost, sort of famous due to the small design house that she works for. I get hassled because a cousin a year and a half older than me has a steady job at an AZ news station and owns his own house. Of course my other cousins on that side of the family aren’t doing so well as one was convinced by her father to be pharmacy tech (despite having art skill and a good degree), her older sister is in pharmacology school to be a proper pharmacist (despite her having a degree in packaging design), and their younger sister (who has a similar-ish degree to mine, but she lacks the traditional art background) making jewelery in the basement of some woman.
I also get hassled because they don’t think that I help out enough around the house—despite me being live-in tech support/software and hardware installation expert, as well as chauffeur for my mother, doing a few household chores, and some yard work. I mean it’s not that I’m not grateful for getting cut a similar deal to yourself, but they ask these things of me during my weekday business hours or when I’m on my way out of the house on one of the days of the weekend (though could just ask me to do some of these this after my business hours, after dinner, or on the day of the weekend when I’m not out of the house).
Sadly I don’t have the same amount of earning power as yourself due to having a handful of clients and providing my services for start ups. I don’t get out of the house beyond a 50 mile radius, so I can’t claim that I’ve enriched myself via the world as you have. However, I the one thing that I can claim is that I have managed to finally develop an aspect of myself that’s a bit more “out of the shell” than I used to be. I’m a lot better at speaking in front of groups, at being generally more self-confident, at being more independent in situations that require it, and at being aware of the level of my abilities in a variety of situations. A lot of people start with this naturally. I started as a sheltered, shy, introverted, A.B.C., male who panicked over seemingly risky situations—so I think that if anything I’m a lot more effective as a person even if I’m not a utilizer of a medical or engineering degree or putting in extra hours as an office drone. My thought is that you may have gained something similar through your experiences. Can your cousins tout the same thing? Are they living a life that’s of their own concept or one that’s of their parents designs? Would they have problems if life suddenly shifted and they were thrown off-track?
November 13, 2009 at 12:22 am
valeriewng
Thanks for your comment Michael. I didn’t make this clear before, but I do want to emphasize that I’m not in any way suggesting that my cousins aren’t living lives that are of their own concept. There is a reason why everyone is doing what they have chosen to do and I’m happy for them for that. And I was a bit envious of them because it seemed like they had things pretty much figured out with their lives, with the steady employment and living situations and not having an uncertain future.
Another thing I didn’t make clear earlier that not all of my relatives have disapproved of my traveling – some have, but my cousins are definitely not in that group.
November 13, 2009 at 6:19 am
Michael E.
Ah, that would change the questions at the end of my comment. Thus disregard those and instead I ask this; why so often does our culture likes to hassle the children over what may seem like shortcomings by comparing them to the children of other relatives that are deemed more typically successful?
Also, I am aware that your cousin Crystal was supportive of your travels since she was the one who posted most often the photos of your journeys. The fact that the rest of them are alright with your wanderlust is good!
BTW, have you considered doing any sort of travel writing such as placing your experiences and tips into a book or a blog (which may or may not be your intent for this blog)?
November 13, 2009 at 6:36 am
Michael E.
I forgot to add that I do apologize to your cousins as it was presumptuous of me to figure that ones other than Celeste (BTW, I meant Celeste in the other post—I get those names mixed up at times ^_^ii) weren’t fine with your travels or were pressured into certain lifestyles.
November 20, 2009 at 1:53 am
Lauren Sgarlato
Hey Val!!
There are only a handful of people in this world that are like us.
While I was in Canada, I couchsurfed with a 35yr old woman, who is in the same situation. After meeting her, I realized that this is something I might do the rest of my life, or at least for a few more years.
My parents are still not supporting my lifestyle, but there is nothing I can do about it. I am HAPPY, more than ever.
Life is about living, and we are doing just that!!!!
Hope all is well.
November 23, 2009 at 9:24 pm
valeriewng
Hey Lauren! You’re right, there aren’t many people who in the world who would understand this lifestyle. The way I’ve been able to rationalize it is that so many of my goals in life are centered around travel, and it makes me happy
It freaks me out that it may have to come to an end one day soon, but we’ll see.